A beleaguered New York City meter maid who is plagued by anxiety and low self-esteem ...
The Smoking Debate
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Social, real, passive, ex, non – all words used to describe the various states of smoking.
Most passive smokers are never passive. They let you know very loudly and in letters to the Daily Mail that they are fed up with breathing in second hand smoke. Smokers choose to raise their eyebrows at this intolerance, until they become an ex-smoker themselves. Suddenly then they realise something they never noticed before – cigarette smoke really, really smells. Clothes happily absorb the smell of cigarettes in the same way a sponge soaks up water, except a sponge will let the water back out again while you need a bucket of Fabreeze to help your jumper.
Social smokers use the excuse of other people, alcohol and situations with more than one person in to cover up their habit. One of the only times social smokers probably stop smoking is on the loo, that is unless they are in a club and are sharing toilet time and a cigarette with a best mate. Let’s face it social smoker, you are a smoker like it or not. But ’real’ smokers look down upon these pretend smokers...
Real smokers think ’I want a fag, I want a fag, I want a fag’ every second of every day. They get up, cough up a lung and light a fag before anything else. They can smoke at six in the morning, last thing at night and anytime during the day. They do not pretend to be a social smoker, they know what they are and are not ashamed to admit to it. They think pretend smokers can give up at the drop of a hat but that it is harder for them to try, so they don’t, regardless of the fact they are not as fit or as energetic as they used to be. It’s their way of life and back in the day when they were a social smoker, they probably never imagined they would get to 60 and still be lighting up.
Recent ex smokers like talking about being an ex smoker in great detail. They are still in the most part fascinated that they have managed to go for a whole ‘three-days-and-six-hours’ without having a cigarette. They are patched up to the max and mention the name ‘Allan Carr’ in reverent tones. They get very snappy and snarly when put in situations that they are used to smoking through and tend to avoid these situations altogether until the danger zone of one month is past. Although they feel better and know they are doing themselves good, they think constantly about having a cigarette. It is wise to keep a safe distance, offer chocolate / crisps with a tentative hand and agree to anything anyone exhibiting the first stage of nicotine withdrawal says, before you get your head bitten off.
Established ex-smokers can’t really remember why they smoked for so long. The freedom of not thinking about your next cigarette is immense. No longer having to carry around packets when you have no pockets. No longer being part of the worldwide game of lighter shuffle, when you’ll start the evening with a bic lighter and end the evening with a red clipper. No more waking the morning after the night before with a mouth like Ghandi’s flip flop. Skin that actually likes you again. No yellow teeth and yellow fingers from holding cigs all night. Ex-smokers can feel rather smug at times.
Non smokers do not see what all this silly fuss is about. Just stop smoking you idiots! It smells! It damages your health! It’s expensive! It makes you cough! Unfortunately none of these arguments will be strong enough to get through a smokers head, not even the ‘smoking kills’ one, which you would think should at least make you pause before sparking up. But no…Smokers will only give up when the time is right for them. Hopefully this is before they get ill, but sadly, in many cases, smokers can only see the light held up for them.
